There's No Place Like Home

It happened today, an unexpected pang of grief. I knew it would. I had been warned by my friend Julie. Her father passed away recently and about 4 days ago she sent me a short essay she had written about an experience she had with "technology" asking her an insensitive question. Our friends are quick to catch themselves saying something that they think might upset me - like the word fire, or referring to something I have lost but may not have thought of yet, like my Nutcrackers :( but it really doesn't bother me, I joke about fires, even our fire. Perhaps it's the fact that it's accompanied by a tender look or a concerned tone. But techology is so insensitive, so matter of fact it took me by surprise and I was a little shocked by my reaction.


Alyssa had the day off today - staff development - and one of her friend's mothers offered to take a group of girls to Disneyland, God bless her! I had used the navigation system in my car to find her house, there were several turns and roundabouts (which always throw me off) and since I wasn't quite sure how to get out, I used it to leave as well. The thing is, it asked if I wanted to "go home". That was it, those two seemingly innocent words, did me in today. "Yes" I thought "I do want to go home" but it's not an option for me right now. I need to go to the place I live that isn't my home.

As I began to ponder what really makes a house a home, I paused and wondered, would my new house feel like home? I would not be surrounded by the precious mementos we have collected over the years....my kids and Mike would be there, but they are here...is it the neighbors? "Home is where your heart is" that's what they say but what does that mean? I don't have an answer and that upset me even more.

It's not the destination, it's the journey - that's what I have always believed. But, it's different being on a journey when you don't have the road home to look forward to.